Most stunning one-liners of all time

One-liners are the line that struck you the moment you hear them. Some one-liners are just so breath-taking that you just have to say...wow...that's something...

Here is my compilation of best one-liners from Hollywood and Bollywood.

“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others”.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies”.

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.

There are two things that are endless: the universe and the human stupidity, but I’m not sure about the first one.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met.

I could tell my parents hated me, my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Excuses are like assholes, everybody's got one.

How many republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry Martini.

Men should be like Kleenex- soft, strong and disposable.

Your ego is writing checks your body can’t cash.

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

I do wish we could chat longer, but I’m having an old friend for dinner.

Warning! Assholes are closer than they appear.

Either get busy living, or get busy dying.

The almighty tells me he can get me out of this mess, but he’s pretty sure you’re fucked.

There’s only two men I trust. One of ‘em’s me, the other one’s not you.

No one likes a kiss-ass.

Honey, just ’cause I talk slow doesn’t mean I’m stupid.

There’s nothing like a first kiss.

Life is not the amount of breaths you take. It’s the moments that take your breath away.

Now some one-liners from Bollywood:

Rishte me to hum tumhare baap hote hain, naam hai Shahenshah!"

Saara shehar mujhe LOIN ke naame se jaanta hain.

Main tumhaare bachche ki maa banne waali hoon.

Tumhara naam kya hai, Basanti?"

Jo dar gaya samjho mar gaya.

Kutte, main tera khoon pee jaaonga.

Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin, naamumkin hai!

Aadhe idhar jaao, aadhe udhar jaao, baaki hamare saath aao.

Mera naam hai Crime Master Gogo, aankhen nikaal ke gotiyan khelta hoon!"

Tumhari shaadi usse nahin hogi jisse tum pyaar karti ho, balki usse hogi jisse main pyaar karta hoon.
Main aaj bhi phenke hue paise nahin uthata.

My pain is my destiny and I can't avoid it.

I can talk English, I can walk English, and I can laugh English because English is a very phunny language. Bhairo becomes Byron because their minds are very narrow.

Hamare desh mein kaam dhoondhana bhi ek kaam hai.

Some of my favorite Ajit jokes:
Ise liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene nahi dega aur oxygen ise marne nahi dega.

Raabert, ise ShamePain mein daal tho, agar Shame se nahi mara to Pain se mar jayega.

Rabert! isko eraser se maar do, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit bhi jayega.

Peter! Is saale ko super-conductor me daal do, saala bus mein ticket dete-dete thak jayega.

Ise microprocessor mein daal do...BIT by BIT marega !

Raabert, Ise varnish mein daal do, saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish bhi aa jaayegi.

Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo. Saale ko Society jeene nahin degea aur security isse marne nahin degea.

Some evergreen classics from James Bond movies:
Martini; shaken, not stirred”

“The name’s Bond. James Bond.”

Do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She’s just dead.

Now the whole world will know that you died scratching my balls.

Miss Anders… I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.”

Dudes...do send me some more interesting one-liners...I just love them.

© 2009 Ranjan Kumar